A man walks into a psychiatrist's office wrapped only in Saran Wrap. The psychiatrist says, "I can clearly see your nuts!"
An exhibitionist was contemplating retirement, but he decided to stick it out for another year.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Well, you can roast beef.
And now for some late breaking news:
I just saw my shoelaces come untied. I was standing in the elevator, and with nothing better to look at, I looked down at my shoe and caught my laces unraveling. It struck me that I've never seen that happen.